Girls, Guns Are Our Friends

By Jennifer Lade

There’s been a lot of discourse in the past few months about the War on Women. It’s a phrase that’s been thrown around to talk about how Republicans allegedly want to keep women down, because pissing off half the voting population will somehow help them get elected. But how about the War on Women by other women? In this scenario, a majority of women value gun control higher than they value an individual’s right to keep and bear arms. And if this opinion translates into a vote for gun control, they are putting themselves and all women at risk.

In a recent national survey by the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press , conducted April 4 to 15, 2012, 49% of Americans say it is more important to protect the rights of Americans to own guns, while 45% say it is more important to control gun ownership. But when those statistics are broken down by gender, it shows that 60 percent of men believe it is more important to protect gun rights, while only 39 percent of women do.

Ladies, if you are not among the 39 percent, I urge you to extract your head from your yoga-sculpted derriere and think for two seconds.

Girls, guns are our friends. And not just for the tattooed, gin-swilling, tomboy girls out there. Every woman can benefit from being armed — and even if they aren’t packing themselves, they can benefit from more females being armed in general.

There is a lot of data out there that shows a correlation between gun ownership and lower crime, as well as data that shows that gun control doesn’t disarm criminals (see John Lott’s book, More Guns, Less Crime, for example). But for the sake of argument, let’s assume gun control actually keeps guns out of the hands of criminals. (It doesn’t. That’s a load of BS. But I digress.) Now, as a woman, you can confidently strut down the street knowing that all the criminals are completely without guns. Doesn’t that make you feel safer?

Well, it shouldn’t. According to the FBI, 80.5 percent of people arrested for violent crime in the United States in 2010 were male. The average male won’t ask for directions, put the toilet seat down or commit, but the average man is also 5’9 ½” and 191lbs., according to the CDC. Could you take him in a hand-to-hand fight if he were to attack you, even unarmed, on the street?

I am no delicate flower. There was a time not too long ago when I could do 8 chin-ups and run a mile in 5:33. So in other words, in my best shape ever, I had the strength and speed of a 14-year-old boy. A lot of good that will do me if a 200-lb. guy tries to force me into his car or steal my money.

You know what might be more effective than trying to scratch his eyes with my nicely manicured nails — or worse, running to the police after I’ve been mugged? A sleek, sexy, .38 Special Smith & Wesson BODYGUARD, produced from a Coach purse and pointed at his face with an unwavering, moisturized hand.

158 grains of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Firearms have been called the great equalizer, and for good reason. Firearms erase any physical advantage an assailant might have — size, strength, speed — because they make it so you don’t have to get close to the person to harm him. I don’t care how often you use the StairMaster at the gym; that sketchy dude in the white van will still beat you in a fight.

Unless you are armed. Then my money’s on you.

What if you both have guns? You’re still better off. Guns are the great equalizer, remember? So in an ironic twist, the gun that liberals would want to take away from you is actually creating one of the things they purport to love the most: a level playing field.

But if the thought of owning a gun is just too upsetting to your delicate sensibilities, by all means, keep practicing your damsel-in-distress scream and the stiletto-kick to the groin. Just don’t use your vote to stop your female brethren from using a more effective means of self-defense.

Ladies, it’s time we stop shooting ourselves in the foot.

Click here to watch a video with Ted Nugent giving his thoughts on self defense.

7 thoughts on “Girls, Guns Are Our Friends

  1. I noticed a typo. I meant to say “if you are NOT among the 39 percent . . . ” I think I need to remove my head from my own derriere and proofread better!

  2. This is a nice article, Jen – thank you for writing it! But while obviously there is a focus on the pros of gun ownership, you have seemingly marginalized all women who don’t own guns into helpless, emotional, overly-sensitive people who are utterly unable to defend themselves. I arrived to this conclusion based on your blatant comments about yoga-sculpted derrieres, delicate sensibilities, damsel-in-distress screams, and stiletto-kicking. Your writing of such phrases conjures very specific ideas of the kind of person you think non-gun owning women are and how they act; you wouldn’t have chosen these phrases if that’s not what you wanted to get across. It’s as if you think that all women who don’t own guns can only handle whimpering their way through all those attacks they go through in between their yoga classes that take place in shoe stores.

    You’ve blanketed any woman who doesn’t own a gun into a category that makes them seem incompetent and too sensitive or emotionally charged or weak of mind -or as you put it, sensibilities- to deal with threats to their safety in any way besides waving a gun around. Sure, a gun will do a lot of things for you – that I won’t ever deny. But don’t you think there are plenty of women who are empowered enough to learn how to be fit and defend themselves? There are countless workshops and classes available – many of which are at least co-run by other empowered women. Is it impossible that people could make an intelligent, conscious choice to be prepared to kick some ass through that kind of outlet? Or perhaps they just have developed skills from needing to defend themselves before? Or perhaps they’ve got neither practice nor training in self-defense, but are wise and active enough to be aware of their surroundings and situations, so that if faced with an attack situation they can stay calm while computing the best plan through some quick thinking to take care of themselves? God only knows I know plenty of bad ass women who can take care of themselves just fine – gun or no gun.

    You mentioned a War on Women by other women. And yet when it comes to the topics of empowerment and respect alone, you yourself have waged a battle in the war by propagating ideas that undermine the full mental and physical capacity of women everywhere. These kinds of ideas are reminiscent of the days when women were eye-candy, to be seen and not heard, when they were the “little woman” in some man’s life. You wage a battle in the War on Women by other women by suggesting that someone who has made an educated, conscious choice not to own a gun can only be weak and unwise in their choices just because they don’t agree with your ideas on self-defense. You wage a battle in the War on Women by other women by suggesting that women who don’t want to own guns and who believe in gun control are somehow themselves waging a war on women, just because they have a social/political opinion on the subject. You wage a battle in the War on Women by other women by pinning women of differing views against each other.

    I understand your intentions. But in the end, you simply did exactly what you were accusing other women of; you waged a War on Women, by another woman – yourself.

    Thanks for reading!
    Marco Carneiro

    • Hi Marco,
      Thanks for your input. You make a good point that I’m stereotyping women who don’t own guns into girly-girls who do yoga. That was mostly for comic effect; perhaps I need to work on my humor writing a little. Obviously, non-gun-owners can be confident, capable people.

      But as far as your assertion that you know plenty of women who are capable of self-defense “gun or no gun,” I think you’re missing my main assertion that self-defense with a firearm is a lot more effective because it erases any physical disadvantage even a “bad ass” woman might have against an attacker.

      Finally, because the right to own a firearm can really mean the difference between life and death, I don’t think that the “war” I’m waging against those women who are pro-gun control is such a huge offense. They have the right not to own a gun; it’s not like anyone is voting to make gun ownership mandatory. But people who are for gun control are voting to take away my right to own a gun. Should I keep quiet, be seen and not heard, just to avoid pitting women with different views against each other?

  3. Hi Jen, thank for writing back!

    You’re great as using quotations, and yet you conveniently left out even a reference to my comment about how I understand and wont ever deny that a gun will definitely make a difference in those sorts of situations.

    With that said, I think you missed my main assertion that while you wrote an article that I appreciate and enjoyed thinking over (I said about as much in my first post), I personally do think that perhaps a bigger offense to women and women’s rights is your method. If you’re going to start throwing around ideas like a “war on women by other women,” you should do well to not fall prey to behaviors that also wage a war on women, even if/when your primary topic was about gun ownership. I was simply holding you accountable for what you wrote, whether it was (allegedly) for comedic effect or not.

    With that said, do me a favor and don’t twist the context of a phrase I used
    (the line about being seen, and not heard) and try to reverse it on me; this is a tired tactic from both the left and the right, and all you’re doing is fabricating circumstance. By ALL MEANS, be heard – I wouldn’t have it any other way. If I didn’t respect your opinion, I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to let you know how much I appreciated your article and to thank you for writing it. Not once in my article did I suggest your actual opinion on the topic at hand was invalid. I never once said you were morally wrong for hoping women wouldn’t vote against gun ownership. And I never once asked you to take back your actual essential opinion. I simply stated my opinions to what you’ve said all around – I called you out for the misogynistic and stereotypical chains to which you were shackling women with your writing. I”m not in any way telling you to keep quiet and be seen, and not heard. I won’t be painted in a light that suggests I came even remotely close to saying or suggesting you shouldn’t express your opinion because that’s just downright false.

    Gun ownership is a right. Perhaps we should focus more on the kinds of regulations that serve to keep guns out of the hands of criminals rather than keeping them out of everyone’s hands at all. But what you’ve done, as you’ve admitted, is to blindly categorize millions of women for the sake of comedic effect. And THAT is what I wrote to you about. Nothing else. Let’s keep the conversation to what’s being actually said, and not what you feel like pinning me for.

    Thanks for reading! It’s nice to have some intelligent political conversation!

    Marco Carneiro

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